Monday, February 23, 2015

African Women Shouldn't Have Sexual Feelings

Confession:  haven't watched Fifty Shades of Grey nor do I really plan on seeing it. I know, shocker right? It just doesn't appeal to me. I thought the book was average at it's safe to say that I really have no intention of watching the movie.

I am obviously in the minority here because you all have flocked to the theaters to see it in droves. So far, the movie has grossed over $400 million worldwide in just two short weeks. Considering it only cost $40 million dollars to produce I would say that it's a resounding success.

I won't be the only person not watching the scintillating movie, Kenya and Zimbabwe have allegedly banned the film as well. The East African nation noted that it will not be showing the movie because of the “prolonged and explicit sexual scenes depicting women as sexual slaves”. As much as I don't want to see the flick, that really sucks for the audience that wanted to see it. 

It just seems that African women can't catch a break. Damn sure not as it relates to movies that involve sex and as a matter of fact, they can't even dictate what happens in their very own bedrooms.

Just last week I was reading an article that made me pause and sit my ass alllll the way down. I needed about four, five seconds to calm down after reading it. The author was attempting to help African women out with tips and tricks to convey their sexual desire to their partner without actually stating their intentions. Because saying it would be too obvious. Duh! The author wrote:

“As for women to show explicit desire for sex would make them look vulgar, untrustworthy or just like sex objects only good to play with (not someone worthy marrying)......”

WHAT?!? A woman who explicitly states that she wants sex is not worthy of marrying? I just cant!  What do married people do? Do they not engage in the horizontal polka? Is that not part of keeping the spark alive? This post is not to decry the author of aforementioned piece but c'mon son!

In her TEDEx talk Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie said "we teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are...” Isn't that the truth? The different views of men and women across Africa have serious social impacts. I've watched footage of angry mobs of men attacking women in Nairobi and Harare simply because of the hem line of their skirts, or so they claim. 

Houston we have a problem!

Women are simply not allowed to have sexual feelings or own their sexuality. Why is society attempting to control what we wear, what we watch and how to express our sexual desire? 

It's important to me that the prevailing notion that African women and sex are just like oil and water... cease with the quickness. With immediate effect. Are women just supposed to be demure, “respectable” and without an opinion? GTFOH with that! I don't claim to have all the answers but what I do know is that we have to change our attitudes toward women. It starts with our children and how to talk to them about sex or sexuality. It doesn't have to be this weird elephant in the room. What we don't discuss in the confines of our own houses later turns right around to haunt us in the street in public view. When does it stop?

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