Thursday, July 14, 2011

30 and not married with kids? Sucks to be you right now..

Next year in 2012, I will be turning 30. You have no idea how excited I am!! Super -star singer Beyonce recently spoke about the strange year of being 29 and welcoming the big 3-0 as the beginning of a new chapter. I wholeheartedly agree! Bring on 30!

Unfortunately, I am in the minority on my sheer joy of the evolution to 30.

Brings to mind a phone conversation I had with a younger family member. She was lamenting to me how weird it was that I was over 25 and still not married. She was 21 at the time and vowed to be wedded by 25. True to her word, kinfolk tied the knot and don't you know the marriage dissipated in a matter of months. No surprises there!

Disclaimer: This post is not a diss to the women that choose to get married before age 30 and have kids! Good for you! I applaud and salute your efforts. This is directed to that single woman that we all know; she is in a rush against time to get married and have children. Home girl is almost on the brink of depression because it hasn’t happened. Yeah, you know her. She gets upset when she hears someone else is getting married or is willing to do anything just to get a man.

Seems that at my age I should be married with a minimum of at least one child. If you are 30 or above and unmarried/ single, chances are you have had people in your life stress the importance of settling down. I am doubly screwed though because in my African culture some people see me as an anomaly. If I had a penny every time someone asked me about my white picket fence, I would be Bill Gates wealthy. How dare I chase career and success before children?

My answer to their invasive questions? Frankly it's none of their business.

You don't have to justify your life to anybody. Why do women drink the kool aid regarding societal pressures of what true happiness means once you hit 30? Ladies, do it when you are ready! Children are a lifetime commitment and did I mention they are super expensive? How much does day care cost again? You have to be emotionally, spiritually & financially ready before you bring another life into this earth.

I say embrace where you are in life right now. Sure, continue searching for love but don't be in a rush just because your auntie/cousin/friends are expecting you to.  If you fall in the childless, unmarried category it's OK. Love will come.

Let's stop with the undue pressure ladies and gents. Focus on your now and the future will happen on its own. You determine your own destiny. If marriage and kids are your goal so be it, but don't beat yourself up if it does not happen by a certain time or age.



  1. I agree...don't beat yourself up about being 30 and unmarried. Although I am turning 30 this year and have the hubby and a baby on the way....I can still relate to the emotions you are feeling because everything really only started happening towards the end of my 20s. A book that really helped me in my "single and frustrated phase" was - Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul. I learnt so much about myself and Gods plan for my life through this book. Every lady I have recommended it to has said it really helped them.

    It is only now that everything has happened - I can really look back and say WOW...God knew exactly what he was doing. ..... even though I was felt lost and confused.

    Never give up on loving God and yourself. >> everything else will eventually fall into place...and perfectly. Sometimes it is quicker than you ever imagined.

    Mad love Gal :).


  2. Kanya!! Congrats on the baby news! I am so happy for you and your hubby, this is awesome :) I will check out the book that you suggested above sounds very interesting. You are absolutely 100% correct about God driving all of this, I know everything will happen in due time..I wish everyone else would understand this as well.

  3. im close to 30 i have 3 kids the oldest is 4 ...... and my marriage SUCKS im the most unhappy women ever......i just spent my Christmas with my family and everybody asking me why was he mad he made sure everybody knew how mad he was and made his show ......sometimes its better to be alone that being such bad company

  4. LonelyMom I am sorry to hear that you are sad and unhappy. Have you considered counseling to resolve some of the issues you maybe facing? Everyone deserves happiness and I am sure your kids and husband would appreciate and benefit from a happier YOU!


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